i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I forget how to act sober
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