Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
