Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
