I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Randomize
