We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
