you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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