drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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