I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
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the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
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Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
You don't make any sense
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