Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
