So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
