masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
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Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
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I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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