My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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