I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Randomize
