And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
