I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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