1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
