I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
