just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
