I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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