if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
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