Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
