Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
