yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
foreskin is a definite game changer
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
