those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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