as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
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