i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
