I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
