I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
