i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize