someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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