Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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