I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
