I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
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