Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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