What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
