I'm going to jail i love you
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
