please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
