bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
