So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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