why didn't you poke me back
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
