thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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