if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
