make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
