I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
