i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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