I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
