He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
If I die, sorry about rent.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
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