I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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