and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
