Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
