Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
