the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
