She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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