He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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