Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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