You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
