I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
