After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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