This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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