Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
