I heard we made out
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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