with your own penis?
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
