I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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