after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
